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/b/ ~ in august, i had an abortion and ever since, i...
No. 6818 Quote report

File 1365664673060.jpg

in august, i had an abortion and ever since, i've not been able to enjoy sex or masturbation. i get sore too quickly, to the point of tearing up and nearly crying. thus, i've not had an orgasm for over eight months, and it's becoming extremely frustrating.
so what the fuck do i do, /b/?


go see a doctor, quit complaining about your dumb shit on the internet


Go back to your doctor and ask him for the fetus he aborted out of you. He'll have it in a hazmat bag somewhere around the office, all doctors do.

On your way home with the fetus, pick up a shitton of lube. You're going to need it.

When you get back, set out a bunch of newspaper, strip, and lie on it, on your back. Lube yourself up, and coat the fetus in lube as well for good measure.

Now, very slowly, insert the fetus all the way inside yourself. Make sure to use a swift thrusting motion to get it inside your cervix. This will hurt like hell, but luckily you can just bite your own tongue. Like a bullet!

Once the fetus is all the way inside your cervix, your brain will send secret fetus spices down into the fetus itself, reactivating it. The fetus will reanimate, and begin hitting all the pleasure buttons inside your womb.

This is the problem with abortions. Who's going to man the womb-buttons if there's no fetus inside your womb?

Over time, your pregnancy will develop. Do NOT let this occur. When you feel yourself going into labour, tie your legs together with duct tape. The fetus will attempt to escape, but when it starts to feel its head being crushed by your thighs, it'll get the message and crawl back in.

Hope this helps, good luck.



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